Does A New Year Mean a Good Year?

Well, I am sitting at home, alone again, and it doesn't seem to matter to anyone but me. The kids are busy doing their own thing, my marriage has been over for years, and I am left empty, lonely and spent.

I've been hanging on for so long, but my grip is slipping fast.

A new year is upon me, what will I do with it. Even though it's really just another day, we seem to use this as our opportunity to swipe the slate clean. Start over. Look ahead and not back.

I desperately want to move ahead, leave the old behind and start fresh. But does the turn of the calendar allow that? I'm gonna give it a try.

Reconnect

This morning I had a chance to reconnect with some family I haven't spoken with in a while. Funny, even though you grow up knowing these people, and they probably know more about you than you think, when you don't live close, or talk often, you loose touch. When you do take timeout to reconnect, it's almost like talking to someone you've just met. Chit chat you know, how are the kids, how is the job, it's been great talking to you, keep in touch, and then that's it. I love these guys, and know they love me, but when I got off the phone I thought about how much we just don't know each other. Maybe we never did. It's not a bad thing, as long as you have the right expectations of each other, which may mean you have none at all. What I do know is that when my family says "Love You" we really do mean it.

Oh yeah, The Falcons pulled out a win today and so did the Dolphins. So tomorrow when my Dad calls me at work, we'll both be smiling :)

Reflection

So, today is a day of reflection for me. This is the 18th anniversary of the passing of my mom, and the 16th anniversary of the passing of her mom. Yeah, I know, freaky huh. But both women had very different illnesses which caused them to pass on.

My mom Celia (yes, that my daughter's name), was a great mom. She was my best friend. Celia loved life, but somewhere along the way I think she settled. She had great loves and heartbreaks, kids that loved her very much (hers and others) and some close friends. She left behind a son, Alex, who didn't get the chance to know her like I did. She was 42 years young when she passed. Cancer knows no ages. There is a void in my life that no-one else can fill. Conversations that never took place, events never seen, and advice never given. Although I can't see her or touch her, I know she is with me. I miss her.

My grandma Reba (short for Rebecca) was the next best thing to my mom. She always made me laugh. She raised great kids (my mom, aunt and uncle), who in turn had awesome kids themselves (me, my brother, and my cousins). My grandma always made me feel loved, safe, and taken care of. She definately told it like it was, but never in a mean spirited way. She did her best to make others feel welcome (at least my husband anyway). I loved her very much and I miss her every day.

With 2009 fast approaching, today reminds me how life passes us by, how we take each day for granted, not knowing if it will be our last. So hug the ones closest to you (even if they are a new addition to your circle of family and friends), tell them how you feel about them, and enjoy life. It really is short.